One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my 7 year-old son to DisneyLand, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "DisneyLand burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real DisneyLand, but it was getting pretty late.
To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad. Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did.". A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."
And all that time I thought is was Chef Boyardee. Give to Caesar what is Caesar's, so I guess I'll give him salad.
Yeah, in Paint Your Wagon, glad he stopped doing that. That being attempting to sing. [MEDIA]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZ0DP2CeKfA[/MEDIA]
Every morning there's a very overweight woman who walks the running trail that runs parallel to the road that leads to my office. She's very punctual, and I judge how early/late I am every morning by how far along she is on the path when I pass her.
