New Joke Thread

Discussion in 'New Roundtable' started by red55, Dec 16, 2009.

  1. HalloweenRun

    HalloweenRun I'll try to be nicer, if you try to be smarter!

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    An American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day of sightseeing. While sipping his sangria, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, “What is that you just served?”

    The waiter replied, ”Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bulls testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!”

    The American, though momentarily daunted, said, “What the hell, I’m on vacation! Bring me an order!”

    The waiter replied, “I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!”

    The next morning, the American returned, placed his order, and then that evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, “These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!”

    The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, “Si senor. Sometimes the bull wins.”
     
  2. mctiger

    mctiger closet claustrophic Staff Member

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  3. Bengal B

    Bengal B Founding Member

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  4. shane0911

    shane0911 Helping lost idiots find their village Staff Member

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    So @lsutiga goes to his doctor one day and complains that he just isn't lasting long enough during "the big show" his doc listens intently and then tells him that masturbating prior to show time often times helps and that he should try it. Tiga says eh what the hell, I'll give it a go.

    He spends the rest of his day thinking about where he should do this. Can't do it at school, can't do it at home then it comes to him. He has it all figured out.

    On his way home he pulls his truck over to the side of the road, gets out and crawls under his truck as if he is checking on something under there. Ol Tiga gets comfortable, slides his pants down a bit, closes his eyes and gets after it.

    He is just about there when he feels a tug at the bottom of his trousers. Not wanting to lose "the moment" he says "what"? The reply is "this is the La State Police, what is going on down there"? To which Tiga replies, oh just checking out the axle, I think it is busted.

    The officer tells him "Well, you might want to check your brakes as well because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago"
     
  5. lsutiga

    lsutiga TF Pubic Relations

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    No way that could be me. I had my brakes checked last month.
     
    mctiger likes this.
  6. HalloweenRun

    HalloweenRun I'll try to be nicer, if you try to be smarter!

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    A young woman, along with other passengers, was waiting at the stop for her bus. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

    Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.

    So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.

    Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

    About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her, picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

    She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, 'How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!'

    The Texan smiled and drawled, 'Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."
     
  7. shane0911

    shane0911 Helping lost idiots find their village Staff Member

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  8. LSUpride123

    LSUpride123 Boobies make everything A OK!!!

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  9. Bengal B

    Bengal B Founding Member

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  10. lsutiga

    lsutiga TF Pubic Relations

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    Thibodeaux is sitting on his front porch when Boudreaux comes by with his pirogue full off nutri-sweet packets.
    Boudreaux says "Thibodeaux, what in the hell are you doing?"
    Thibodeaux says "I am going nutria hunting, wanna come?"
    "Hell no" Boudreaux says. "You ain't gonna kill no nutrias like that"
    Boudreaux comes by later that day with his pirogue slap full of nutrias.

    Next day Boudreaux comes by with his pirogue full of duct tape. "I'm going duck hunting, wanna come?" Thibodeaux says "You a fool, you aint gonna kill no ducks with duct tape". That evening Boudreaux comes by with his pirogue full of ducks.

    Next day Boudreaux stops by with his pirogue full of pussy willow branches. Thibodeaux jumps up and shouts "Hold on I'm coming!!!"
     

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