A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them. "Hey, show us yer teets, ya bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks. Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, "I don't think they know who we are; show them your cross." Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Piss off, ya fookin' little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!" Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, "Did that sound cross enough?
An office manager had a problem; money was tight and he would have to lay off one of his employees, either Jack or Jill. But both were equally good at their jobs. On the morning he had to make a move, he decided he'd lay off one if he or she showed up for work late. But both arrived early. Then he decided he'd let the first one to take a coffee break go. Neither took a break. He watched their lunch times, deciding he'd lay off the one that stayed out longer. But both ate lunch at their desks while continuing to work. Then they both stayed late. The boss was stumped. Finally, Jill put on her coat and headed for the door. The boss approached her and said, "Jill, I have a problem. I don't know whether to lay you or Jack off." Jill said,"You better jack off. I don't want to miss my bus."
