New Joke Thread

Discussion in 'New Roundtable' started by red55, Dec 16, 2009.

  1. HalloweenRun

    HalloweenRun I'll try to be nicer, if you try to be smarter!

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    The train was quite crowded, and a U.S. marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?' The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular 'Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.'

    The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. 'Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired..' She snorted, 'Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!'

    This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down. The woman shrieked, 'Someone must defend my honour! This American should be put in his place!'

    An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, 'Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing.
    You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road.

    And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window'
     
    shane0911, el005639, Bengal B and 3 others like this.
  2. HalloweenRun

    HalloweenRun I'll try to be nicer, if you try to be smarter!

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    Here's one for the ladies:
    ----------------------------------------------------
    Ray and Bob, two Government maintenance guys, were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.

    A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

    "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole", said Bob, "But we don't have a ladder."

    The woman said, "Hand me that wrench out of your toolbox."

    She loosened a few bolts, then laid the pole down.

    She then took a tape measure from their toolbox, took a measurement and announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches" and walked away.

    Ray shook his head and laughed. "Well, ain't that just like a 'Miss-know-it-all' woman?" he said. "We need the height and she gives us the length!"

    Ray and Bob are still working for the Government
    ----------------------------------------------------
    This could be Cajun’d up down there with Boudreaux & Thibodeaux. I don’t have those skills!
     
    Winston1 and GiantDuckFan like this.
  3. HalloweenRun

    HalloweenRun I'll try to be nicer, if you try to be smarter!

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    A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive woman waving at him. She says, 'Hello.'
    He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he asks, 'Do you know me?'

    To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'

    Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife.

    So he asks, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table, with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?'

    She looks into his eyes and says calmly, “No, I’m your son's teacher.'
     
    shane0911, el005639, Winston1 and 2 others like this.

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