New Joke Thread

Discussion in 'New Roundtable' started by red55, Dec 16, 2009.

  1. Bengal B

    Bengal B Founding Member

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  2. Bengal B

    Bengal B Founding Member

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  3. shane0911

    shane0911 Helping lost idiots find their village Staff Member

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    Some good ones in there
     
  4. Bengal B

    Bengal B Founding Member

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    How about:

    Camelbox
    Modest Mosque
    The Twisted Sisters
    The She Ites
    Procol Harem
    The Abu Dabbers
    Terhan Terhan
    Isis Maiden
    Kiss of Death
    Bled Zeppelin
    The Virgin Hairy
    The Afghan Hounds
     
  5. HalloweenRun

    HalloweenRun I'll try to be nicer, if you try to be smarter!

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    A man had lost an arm from an accident. He became very depressed because he loved to play golf. One day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off. He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man skipping along, whooping and kicking up his heels. He looked closer and saw that this man didn't have any arms at all.

    He started thinking, what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself, I still have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk so happy, and going on with his life.

    He hurried down and caught up with the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he lost one of his arms and felt useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him again for saving his life and said he knew he could make it
    with one arm if that guy could go on with no arms.

    The man with no arms began dancing and whooping and kicking up his heels again.

    Curious, the man with one arm asked, "Why are you so happy anyway?"

    He said, "I'm NOT happy, My balls itch."
     
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  6. HalloweenRun

    HalloweenRun I'll try to be nicer, if you try to be smarter!

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    Barack Obama, at a recent rural elementary school assembly in South Carolina, asked the audience for total quiet.

    Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands once every few seconds, holding the audience in total silence.

    Then he said into the microphone, 'Children, every time I clap my hands together, a child in America dies from gun violence.'

    Then, little Johnny, with a proud South Carolina drawl, pierced the quiet and said: "Well, ya dumb ass, stop clapping'!”
     
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  7. tirk

    tirk im the lyrical jessie james

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    i heard this as a true story with Bono from U2 telling it in the middle of his concert to his concert goers. And he said everytime he clapped a child in darfur starves to death. I thought it may be untrue but refused to look it up all these years because i wanted to believe that arrogant self righteous asshat actually did this. Because I could totally see it. Now thats ruined. well stop clapping you asshole. god im so disappointed i cant continue hating him for this.
     
  8. Bengal B

    Bengal B Founding Member

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    My wife and I don't think alike at all. She donates money to the homeless. I donate money to the topless.
     
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  9. HalloweenRun

    HalloweenRun I'll try to be nicer, if you try to be smarter!

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    A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. One day she asked Johnny what his problem was he replied, “I’m too smart for the first grade, my sister is in the third grade and I’m smarter than her too.”

    The teacher took him to the principal’s office and explained the situation to the principal. The principal told her that he would give Johnny a test, and if he failed to answer one question he would have to go back to the first grade and be quiet. The teacher and Johnny both agreed.

    Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”

    Johnny: “9.”

    Principal: “6 x 6?”

    Johnny: “36.”

    And so it went on like this, the principal asked him every question a third grader should know. Finally after about an hour he told the teacher “I see no reason why Johnny can’t go to the third grade, he answered all of my questions right.”

    The teacher asked if she could ask him some questions. The principal and Johnny agree.

    Teacher: “What does a cow have 4 of that I only have 2 of?”

    Johnny: “Legs”

    Teacher: “What do you have in your pants that I don’t have?”

    The principal gasps but before he can stop him from answering Johnny says, “Pockets.”

    Teacher: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?”

    Johnny: “Pants.”

    Teacher: “What starts with F and ends with K and means a lot of excitement?”

    Johnny: “Firetruck.”

    The principal breaths a big sigh of relief and says “Put Johnny in the fifth grade, I got the last 4 questions wrong myself.”
     
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  10. mctiger

    mctiger closet claustrophic Staff Member

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    The inventor of the USB port died recently. At his burial, they slid the casket into the tomb, then pulled it out, flipped it over and put it back.
     
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