New Joke Thread ... it's time for one

Discussion in 'New Roundtable' started by red55, Dec 13, 2006.

  1. red55

    red55 curmudgeon Staff Member

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2002
    Messages:
    45,195
    Likes Received:
    8,730
    ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2012 EUROPE​


    BY JOHN CLEESE​


    The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya , Egypt and Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.​

    The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.​

    The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.​

    Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."​

    The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniforms and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose in spectacular fashion."​

    Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .​

    The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.​

    Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.​


    -- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person​


    A final thought: Greece is collapsing, the Persians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.
     
    shane0911 and b_leblanc like this.
  2. shane0911

    shane0911 Helping lost idiots find their village Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2005
    Messages:
    28,464
    Likes Received:
    15,625
    a most excellent find amigo! Bravo
     
  3. Herb

    Herb Founding Member

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2008
    Messages:
    2,536
    Likes Received:
    1,110
    Q: What do you call a dehydrated Frenchman?

    A: Pierre
     
  4. stevescookin

    stevescookin Certified Who Dat

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2008
    Messages:
    10,218
    Likes Received:
    3,032
    Kyle, Red55, CS...he should be banned for that joke! :confused:
     
  5. red55

    red55 curmudgeon Staff Member

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2002
    Messages:
    45,195
    Likes Received:
    8,730
    Naaa, we like groaners. But if you ask for someone to be banned we make you wear an Alabama avatar for a month.
     
  6. b_leblanc

    b_leblanc That's just my game...

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2006
    Messages:
    2,944
    Likes Received:
    609
    lol damn that's pretty harsh
     
  7. stevescookin

    stevescookin Certified Who Dat

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2008
    Messages:
    10,218
    Likes Received:
    3,032
    I used to have the Bama logo under my avatar in the old format...kind of a thnks for all the help I got as a Katrina refugee there.

    Please don't throw me in the brier patch.

    [​IMG]
     
  8. KyleK

    KyleK Who, me? Staff Member

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2007
    Messages:
    8,295
    Likes Received:
    2,136
    briar
     
  9. stevescookin

    stevescookin Certified Who Dat

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2008
    Messages:
    10,218
    Likes Received:
    3,032
    I must be getting forgetful...I almost never misspell tings. :)
     
    KyleK likes this.
  10. fanatic

    fanatic Evil Morty lives...

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2003
    Messages:
    10,629
    Likes Received:
    3,017
    Saw this and thought it was funny...

    [​IMG]
     

Share This Page