New Joke Thread ... it's time for one

Discussion in 'New Roundtable' started by red55, Dec 13, 2006.

  1. LaSalleAve

    LaSalleAve when in doubt, mumble

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    Jordan Jefferson
     
    1 person likes this.
  2. gynojunkie

    gynojunkie "Pooties R Us"

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    One sunny day in January 2013, an old man approached the
    White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue where
    he'd been sitting on a park bench.


    He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would
    like to go in and meet with President Obama."

    The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Obama is no longer President
    and no longer resides here."
    The old man said, "Okay," and walked away.

    The following day the
    same man approached the White House
    and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and
    meet with President Obama."

    The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Obama is
    no longer President and no longer resides here."

    The man thanked him and again just walked away.

    The third day the
    same man approached the White House
    and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying,
    "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama."
    The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked
    at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have
    been here asking to speak to Mr. Obama. I've told you already
    that Mr. Obama is no longer the President and no longer
    resides here. Don't you understand?"

    The old man looked at the Marine and said,
    "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."
    The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said,
    "See you tomorrow, Sir.
     
  3. shane0911

    shane0911 Helping lost idiots find their village Staff Member

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    Awesome, love it!!! Hope my buddy sabanfan gets to see it!
     
  4. red55

    red55 curmudgeon Staff Member

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    He has seen it before. it come around every election year with only the names changed.
     
  5. gynojunkie

    gynojunkie "Pooties R Us"

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    True, but it somehow comes across as new and fresh and spot-on every election cycle. LOL
     
  6. shane0911

    shane0911 Helping lost idiots find their village Staff Member

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    Little Johnny is in class and the teacher asks "Who can tell me the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

    Of course LJ is the only one with his hand up so after much dileberation she finally calls on him.

    LJ, easy teach, no one can hear an enzyme!
     
  7. KyleK

    KyleK Who, me? Staff Member

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    A Jack Daniels Fishing Story

    I went fishing this morning, but after a short time I ran out of worms. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth. "Frogs are good bass bait," I thought to myself. Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth; I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket. Just then, I realized I had a problem: how was I going to release the snake without getting bit? So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey
    in its mouth. The snake's eyes rolled back and he went limp. I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog. A little later, I felt a nudge at my foot. There was that same snake with two more frogs in its mouth. Life is good in the South.
     
  8. HalloweenRun

    HalloweenRun I'll try to be nicer, if you try to be smarter!

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    Momma bathing her little boy in the tub.
    Boy reaches down and grabs his balls and says, "Mom, are these my brains."
    Mom: "Not yet."

    That stings!
     
  9. KyleK

    KyleK Who, me? Staff Member

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    A Yankee lawyer went duck hunting in eastern North Carolina. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly gentleman asked him what he was doing. The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, I'm going into retrieve it."
    The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
    The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything!
    The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things here in North Carolina. We settle small disagreements like this with the NC Three-Kick Rule."
    The lawyer asked, "What is the NC three-Kick Rule?"
    The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."
    The Yankee attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old southerner. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
    The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the Yankee lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.
    The Yankee lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old redneck southerner, now it's my turn."
    The old North Carolina farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."


     
  10. LSUTiga

    LSUTiga TF Pubic Relations

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    Guy walks into a bar and see good-looking bar maid. Says to her, "I'd like to tell you a joke about my penis but it's too long." Bar maid says, "Well, I'd like to tell you a joke about my vagina but you'd never get it."
     

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