New Joke Thread ... it's time for one

Discussion in 'New Roundtable' started by red55, Dec 13, 2006.

  1. HalloweenRun

    HalloweenRun I'll try to be nicer, if you try to be smarter!

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    A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.

    Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? I'm too old for this, and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.

    Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

    The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

    "Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
     
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  2. HalloweenRun

    HalloweenRun I'll try to be nicer, if you try to be smarter!

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    Boudreaux walked down to Thibodeaux’s barn. He was shocked to see Thibodeaux dancing in a very sexy manner, without clothes, in front of his tractor.
    Boudreaux screamed, “Goodness gracious Thibodeaux, what are you doing?”
    Thiboodeaux stated, “Me and the little lady haven’t been getting along to well, so the doctor said I needed to do something sexy to attract her.”
     
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  3. Bengal B

    Bengal B Founding Member

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    Golf and sex are a lot alike. You use a stick and balls to get in the hole. Like golf, I usually miss in sex too,
     
  4. shane0911

    shane0911 Helping lost idiots find their village Staff Member

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    Those damn coonass doctors
     
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  5. Winston1

    Winston1 Veteran Member

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  6. HalloweenRun

    HalloweenRun I'll try to be nicer, if you try to be smarter!

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    What did the turkey say to the hunter on Thanksgiving day?⠀

    “Quack, quack!”⠀
     
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  7. HalloweenRun

    HalloweenRun I'll try to be nicer, if you try to be smarter!

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    Hillary Clinton goes to a gifted-student primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers question time.

    One little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is. "Kenneth," he says.

    "And what is your question, Kenneth?" she asks.

    "I have three questions," he says.
    "First -- whatever happened in Benghazi?
    "Second -- why would you run for president if you are not capable of handling two e-mail accounts?
    "And, third -- whatever happened to the missing six billion dollars while you were Secretary of State?"

    Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.

    When they resume Hillary says, "Okay, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time.
    Who has a question?"

    A different boy -- little Johnny -- puts his hand up.

    Hillary points to him and asks him what his name is.
    "Johnny," he says.

    "And what is your question, Johnny?" she asks.

    "I have five questions," he says.

    "First -- whatever happened in Benghazi?
    "Second -- why would you run for president if you are not capable of handling two e-mail accounts?
    "Third -- whatever happened to the missing six billion dollars while you were Secretary of State?
    "Fourth -- why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
    "And, fifth -- where's Kenneth?"
     
  8. HalloweenRun

    HalloweenRun I'll try to be nicer, if you try to be smarter!

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    Not a joke but thought this was pretty funny. This is not me, from FB.

    [​IMG]
     
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  9. tirk

    tirk im the lyrical jessie james

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    especially when you take it as the chicken's quote.
     
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  10. LSUpride123

    LSUpride123 Boobies make everything A OK!!!

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