Q. How do you get to Tuscaloosa from Baton Rouge? A. East until you smell it, and North until you step in it.
It was the first day of Third Grade in a new Louisiana town for Little Johnny. As a test, his teacher went around the room and asked each of the students to count to 50. Some did very well, counting as high as 30 or 40 with just a few mistakes. Others couldn't get past 20. Johnny, however, did extremely well; he counted past 50, right up to 100 without any mistakes. He was so excited that he ran home and told his Dad how well he had done. His Dad nodded and told him, "That's because you are from Alabama, Son." The next day, in language class, the teacher asked the students to recite the alphabet. It's Grade Three, so most could make it half way through without much trouble. Some made it to S or T, but Little Johnny rattled off the alphabet perfectly right to the end. That evening, Johnny once again bragged to his Dad about his prowess in his new school. His Dad, knowingly, explained to him, "That's because you are from Alabama, Son." The next day, after Physical Education, the boys were taking showers. Johnny noted that, compared to the other boys in his grade, he seemed overly "well-endowed". This confused him. That night he told his dad, "Dad, they all have little tiny ones, but mine is ten times bigger than theirs. Is that because I'm from Alabama?" he asked. "No, Son," explained his Dad, "That's because you're 18."
When God gave out all the school's colors, representatives of Tennessee, Auburn and bama were in the room at the same time. God told the UT guy their colors would be orange and white because those colors reminded Him of the leaves in the Fall and the snow caps on the Smoky Mts. He told Auburn their colors were orange and blue because it reminded Him of beautiful orange and blue sunsets that are so common in Auburn. He told the bama guy their colors would be red and white and walked away. The bama guy quickly said "but wait God you explained to all the others why you gave then their colors but not us." God said "well if you insist on knowing, I gave ya'll red and white because that reminds me of the rednecks and white trash that will forever populate Tuscaloosa." :hihi:
There were 2 flies in my kitchen. One was an LSU fly and one was a Bama fly. How can you tell the difference. The LSU fly will be in the Sugar Bowl.
Did you know? That the Bama fight song was originally named "Get off me daddy, your crushing my Lucky Strikes". That the Toothbrush was invented in Bama. If was invented anywhere else it would be called a teethbrush. ldskule:
A guy goes into a bar and asks the bartender if he wants to hear a good Alabama joke. The bartender says, "Before you tell it, you should know that I am 6-2 and weigh 225 and I'm from Alabama. See that guy at the end of the bar? He's 6-4 and weighs 250 and he's from Alabama, too. And see the guy at the other end of the bar? He's 6-6 and weighs 280 and he's from Alabama,too! Now, do you still want to tell your Alabama joke?" The guy says, "Nah." To which the bartender smiles and says, "What's the matter? Are ya chicken?" The guy says, "Nah. I just don't want to have to explain it three times."
Two boys are playing football in a vacant lot when one of the boys is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the first little boy rips a board off a nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar, and twists, breaking the dog's neck and killing him instantly. A reporter, who happens to be strolling nearby, sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy. "That was the most incredible act of bravery I've ever seen!" the reporter exclaims. He whips out his notebook and furiously scribbles the headline: "Young Bama Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal!" The little hero sees this and says, "But sir, I'm not a Bama Fan, I'm an Auburn Fan!" The reporter looks warily at the boy for a moment, then flips the page and begins a new headline: "Little Redneck Kills Beloved Family Pet"
