Don't go around looking for free legal advice. You get what you pay for. Seek out an attorney who specializes in family law. He will have more experience in this area than a family friend or some guy in the yellow pages. Like it or not this man may have some legal rights despite his previous actions. You need somebody who can spell out your rights and obligations as well as give you advice as to your course of action. He will know whether the court that gave him visitation rights has enforcable jurisdiction within you city, parish or state where you are currently domiciled.
High end attorneys give...free advice when the want you through the door. That's how I roll. Shitty attorneys tell you what you want to hear. 400 and hour will tell you what's up, for free, first time through the door. No need to feel dirty about it, they're attorneys
You should read it again. 2 times awarded visitation and both times disappeared. In other words, he did not take advantage of the awarded visitation. Sounds more like abandonment to me. How many bottles of wine you on dumplin?
Ok, so you know my Dad, weird.......my only few memories of my dad were him abusing my mom, drunk mostly when I was about 5 then showing up when I was in H.S wanting to all of a sudden have a relationship like nothing had ever happened, because he heard I made straight A's (his words exactly). My mom neither encouraged or discouraged me from seeing him then I think mainly because she knew I would make the right choice, which was to not see him. I didn't see him again till I graduated college when he contacted my grandpa who fortunately served as the male figure in my life.....i could go on and on but I won't. He never put forth any legal effort to see me that I'm aware of. Having personal experience with this I think the decision needs to be left up to the child only if there are competent other adults who are actively involved with the child to prevent him/her from being manipulated by the estranged parent........these situations are always very fucked up, regardless. I'm just thankful for the adults I had in my life, I consider myself very fortunate.
She doesn't know him because of him. It was his choice to abandon her not once, not twice, but 3 times. Why should she have to pay for his transgressions? And you don't just show up at someone's house. That's some bullshit. And by the way none of us have ever said the 1st bad thing about him, in fact we have always told her she can see him, and have a relationship with him, and it's not going to hurt any of us. We talked again last night, kept saying please don't think you are doing me some favor by saying you don't want to see him. She is an honest kid, she said it has nothing to do with us, she doesn't want to see him or his mother, they make her uncomfortable.
Attorney is right on this...the law on the ages of a child needs to be to have significant input vary widely. Look into a guardian in litem. The guardian is granted access to the child and both parents and own fact finding and gives the judge a opinion based on his findings and the child's input is heavily weighted. My stepdaughter was 15-16 at the time and this was required for her to have input.
My reading comprehension is just fine, likely better than yours. I understand that he disappeared twice. I also understand that he went to court to obtain the right to visitation. That's more than some dads will do. He clearly has an interest even if he's been unable to sustain the process. I don't know what his demons are but it still stands true that nothing is lost in supporting some kind of relationship with her dad. There is a reason our face is on the front of our head. Looking back doesn't help anyone. And despite your swipe, there was no alcohol behind any of my commentary.
Your situation is sadly, too common and involves both alcohol and abuse. Any child in danger should be protected from a parent, step parent, guardian who behaves that way. That seems to be different than the OP. The failure of your dad to acknowledge what he did wrong is a problem. My parents argued for years over support/access. My mom always wanting more money and limiting access to my dad. My dad limiting his payments because he thought my mom was using the money for herself. They both lied, they both used all us kids, and frankly, none of it should have involved us at all. My dad got remarried....to a Tennessee native who became an alcoholic. At some point in high school, I chose not to be around her and for almost 3 years, I didn't see or speak to my dad even though he lived 15 minutes from me. That marriage dissolved and my dad made the effort to start over with us. He owned his errors, he apologized, and he was patient. We had nearly 20 years of brilliant relationship until he died. Broke me like nothing ever had. My mom has never owned her shit, has never apologized. I still resent her although I make the effort to be a good daughter because her time is limited and I want no regrets.
I understand and of course any child shouldn't have to "pay" for anything. His actions are bad but they aren't illegal and I'm trying hard to focus on the fact that he IS interested. He obviously needs some help which is why I suggested counseling in case there is any chance at all in fixing things. I'm absolutely certain you haven't. You are good peeps, your wife has to be as well. Kids are ridiculously perceptive even without direct dialogue. They hear things we don't think they do, they sense tension no matter how good we think we are at covering it up. She can see the look on her momma's face when the issue comes up. It's stressful and internally she may be taking the blame for it despite you all telling her not to. I guess my point is in trying to understand why they make her (dad really) uncomfortable when she has spent no time with him. Is it basic unfamiliarity, mistrust, or something different? Regardless, my point is in not closing the door permanently when there is effort on his part. Your daughter will come to her own judgments as she gets older and she will appreciate all you have done.
