Do you not see the absurdity of that comment? If she doesn't know him, how does she know whether she wants anything to do with him or not? That reaction is mostly about mom. You know, even in the first post, you specifically didn't mention whether this child was a boy or girl but I knew it was a girl. If it was a boy, I think folks might be more supportive of a relationship with dad. Just my opinion. This is a mistake. A parent can't and shouldn't be denied access to their child based on their ability or willingness to pay for their support. Should he be paying support? Hell yes. Should mom deny him access because he isn't? Hell no. At some point down the road, that 11-year old will start to consider the actions of both parents. Dad will be taken to task without any help from mom. Mom will be taken to task if she, in any way, stands in the way of/prevents a relationship with, her dad! I speak from my own experience. Mom needs to be the hero here. She should encourage any relationship her child may have with her father, financial support or not. What's to lose? Perhaps the child will have some kind of relationship with her dad. It doesn't have to be perfect. Something is better than nothing. And if it turns out to be nothing, then mom will have acted in the best interest of her child....and the child will know this. Do you really know WHY this happened? Perhaps the child was hoping to avoid the conflict completely. Perhaps the child didn't want to feel like she was the cause of her parent's conflict. What is true is that kids have this uncanny way of assuming fault and responsibility for everything whether it makes sense or not. She's hurt by her dad's absence. She's not old enough to understand how to deal with it. Hiding does not necessarily mean that she wants him to go away permanently.
Her opinion can and should be considered but in no way is she old enough to be making decisions that could have life-altering consequences.
Seriously? Okay little girl, you can either A. Go with your mom who has taken care of you for your entire life or B. Go with this stranger (he is your dad but you've never really known or seen him) and well, we really have no idea what will happen to you. Now which do you choose? A freggin dog could make that decision and have it admissible in court.
Do you not see the absurdity of him going to court two times then skipping town? Really, you of all people, are you actually being serious here? Surely not. What in the blue hell does this have to do with anything? Do you? I mean do you really know why? I don't see how you can criticize anyone for speculating by speculating. Wow.
That isn't the situation being presented. He has twice been awarded visitation, not custody and I didn't see anything suggesting that he was attempting to gain custody, just that he wanted to see his child. He showed up at the door and it was shut in his face. Perhaps some discussion regarding supervised visitation would have been better. And if you'll notice my first post, I suggested family counseling for all prior to any further negotiations.
Because two times before he has been granted the visitation and skipped town, for years as I read it. Did you see it differently? As a step dad I can tell you I'd have let him at least get part way across the threshold so that when I slammed the door it would have broken his nose.
Of course it's unacceptable. But I don't believe that it should equate to a permanent dissolution or separation between parent and child. I'll say it again. Children have just two biological parents. Absent any kind of abuse, relationships should be encourage or supported whenever possible. I'm telling you....in the long run....children will consider all the decisions made "on their behalf" and hold everyone accountable. You'll notice I stated it was merely my opinion. Feel free to disregard it. Obviously I don't know because it's not my situation. I offered 3 potential causes, all of which are plausible. I did not criticize....at all. Nor did I speculate, as that would have resulted in me narrowing in on one explanation. I asked questions in an attempt to encourage a thought process that might make for better understanding of the child's actions. I've been that child. I've had that mother.
Point taken, I have also seen that child/parent and I am 100% in favor of get your shit together and then you can see the child, especially if the child doesn't want to see said parent. I get it, lots in play that we don't know nor are we entitled to know but on the surface, with what has been presented, the guy sounds like a deadbeat. He should sit down with the mom and anyone else involved in the childs life and have a discussion about intentions and how to be held accountable. In my eyes he has lost all of what you are claiming as his "rights" and they need to be earned back. That of course is my opinion.
You presented a situation that doesn't exist from the OP. The father has been awarded visitation, not custody. I didn't see where a question or choice of living situations between the parents was an issue. The father is being denied access to his child because of his inability or unwillingness to pay support. That's wrong. In time, dad will be held accountable by his daughter. Mom should not interfere with that progression. You can do as you like. Is it in the best interest of the child? Really.....to interfere with a parental relationship is not a good choice IMO. I absolutely loved my stepdad. But had he ever interfered with my relationship with my dad, it would have been a different story.
I disagree wholeheartedly. What of parents still married who don't have their shit together? Should one parent kidnap the child if they believe the other doesn't have their shit together? Not paying money is not the same as abuse. It's a form of neglect but it is still not a good reason to deny a child access to their parent or the other way around. There were times when I was 11 or so when I wished my mom would get hit by a car. I didn't really want that but I said it, cried it, and ultimately regretted it. Yes, he sounds like a deadbeat....but he's still a dad and there is still hope for a relationship with his daughter even if it's not a great one. Regrets are worse than not trying.
