Pregnancy Joke This was posted on another web site that I belong too, I thought it was funny. Way down in Louisiana, Boudreaux's old lady had been pregnant for some time and now the time had come. So he brought her to the doctor and the doctor began to deliver the baby. She had a little boy and the doctor looked over at Boudreaux and said, "Hey, Boudreaux! You just had you-self a son! Ain't dat grand!" Boudreaux got excited by this, but just then the doctor spoke up and said, "Hold on! We ain't finished yet!" The doctor then delivered a little girl. He said, "Hey, Boudreaux! You got you-self a daughter! She a pretty lil ting, too." Boudreaux got kind of puzzled by this and then the doctor said, "Holdon, we still ain't got done yet!" The doctor then delivered another boy and said, "Boudreaux, you just had you-self another boy!" When Boudreaux and his wife went home with their three children, he sat down with his wife and said, "Mama, you remember dat night what we run out of Vaseline and we had to use dat dere tree-in-one Oil?" His wife said, "Yeah, I do!" Boudreaux said, "Man, it's a dang good ting we didn't use no WD-forty."
Dick Cheney and George W. Bush are having breakfast at the White House. The attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like, and he replies, "I'd like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit." "And what can I get for you, Mr. President?" George W. looks up from his menu and replies with his trademark wink and slight grin, "How about a quickie this morning?" "Why, Mr. President!" the waitress exclaims, "how rude! You're starting to act like President Clinton." and the waitress storms away. Cheney leans over to Bush and whispers........... "It's pronounced 'quiche.'"
Subject: FW: TIGER AND THE NEWFIE >> >> >> >> >>On a golf tour in Newfoundland, Tiger Woods drives his new Ford Fusion >>into a gas station in a remote outpost. >> >>The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in >>a typical Newfoundlander manner, completely unaware of who the golfing >>pro is. >>"How's she cuttin' bye" says the attendant. >> >>Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As >>he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground. >> >>"What are dose?" asks the attendant. >>"They're called tees," replies Tiger. >> >>"Well, what on god's earth are dey for?" inquires the attendant. >>"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger. >>"Fookin Jaysus," says the Newfoundlander, "Ford tinks of everyting!"
Three little ducks go into a Bar...... "Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck. "Huey," was the reply. "How's your day been, Huey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey. "Oh. That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, "Hi, and what's your name?" "Dewey," came the answer from duck number two. "So how's your day been, Dewey! ?" he asked. "Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?" The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?" "No," she said, batting her eyelashes. "My name is Puddles."
Doesn't he have commercials for ONSTAR, which is with chevy also? Dude make lots of jack with endoresments.
A man is talking to God and asks, "Why did you make women so beautiful?" "So you would find them attractive," says God. "But why'd you make some many of them stupid?" the man asks. "So some of them might find you attractive," replies God. And to be fair: If a motorcyclist runs into a woman, who is to blame? The motorcyclist. He shouldn't have been driving in the kitchen.
Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Ralph.' Ralph was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!' St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.' Ralph was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground. A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?' 'Not bad,' replied Ralph the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!' 'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. 'Don 't tell me you've never laid an egg before?' 'Never,' said Ralph. 'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.' Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming. As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife shout..... 'Dammit, Ralph! Wake up. You're $hitting in the bed!'
