My boss sent me this yesterday: One dark night outside of Westlake, a small town in Louisiana, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around. When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, 'All our company secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved! I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact.' But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. The call went out for assistance from more fire departments as the situation became desperate. As new firemen arriving on the scene, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files. From a distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the old pumper truck from the nearby Cajun Hackberry Rural Township Volunteer Fire Company. The company is composed mainly of Cajuns and each member is over the age of 65. A problem in getting the truck started and waiting for all the volunteers to arrive before departure had delayed their arrival. However, to everyone's amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines and ladder trucks that were parked outside the plant. Without even slowing down, it drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched as the Hackberry old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire and began to fight it back on all sides. It was a performance and effort never seen before. Within a short time, the Cajun old timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas and the remaining plant. The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave old fire fighters. The local KPLC TV news reporter rushed in to capture the event on film, and he asked the chief, 'What are you going to do with all that money?' 'Whalla,' said Boudreaux, the 70-year-old fire chief, 'Da furst ting we gonna do is fix dem bad brakes on dat damn old truck!'
I'm hearing reports now that due to Michael Jackson being 95% plastic his remains will be melted down and turned into Legos. For once children will be able to play with him.
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. 'What's wrong, Bill ?' she asked. 'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer ?' 'Oh, Bill , you didn't' s he exclaimed. 'Yes, I did.' he replied. 'My God, Bill , what happened?' 'I got fired.' 'No, Bill . I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?' 'Oh...she got fired too.' -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was hanging out with my brother-in-law and one of his co-workers yesterday afternoon, when the news officially broke that Michael Jackson had died. I listened in on the following exchange. co-worker (who is a native of Green Bay): Michael and Farrah died on the same day? I bet Brett Favre dies now just to show them up. Brother-in-law: Maybe, but then he'd probably change his mind. Utterly tasteless, but not bad for off-the-cuff quips.
An LSU fan and an Arkansas fan were checking out of their hotel in Omaha after the 2009 College World Series. The LSU fan proceeded to pay her hotel bill with a check, despite the Large sign behind the front desk that read, "No Out-of-Town Checks Allowed." The clerk took her check and gave her a receipt. The Arkansas fan then attempted to pay his bill with a check. The clerk asked him, "Where are you from?" to which he proudly answered, " Arkansas ." The clerk pointed to the sign and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but we do not Take out-of-town checks." Visibly angered, the Razorback fan said, "Well, you took a check from That Tiger fan, who is obviously from Louisiana !" The clerk smiled and responded, "Yes, sir...but, she'll be back next year."
100 MPH Goat Two rednecks are out hunting, and as they are walking along they come upon a huge hole in the ground. They approach it and are amazed by the size of it. The first hunter says "Wow, that's some hole; I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is." The second hunter says" I don't know, let's throw something down and listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom." The first hunter says "There's this old automobile transmission here, give me a hand and we'll throw it in and see". So they pick it up and carry it over, and count one, and two and three, and throw it in the hole. They are standing there listening and looking over the edge and they hear a rustling in the brush behind them. As they turn around they see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up to the hole and with no hesitation, and jumped in head first. While they are standing there looking at each other, looking in the hole and trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up. "Say there", says the farmer, "you fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?" The first hunter says " Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin' about a hunert miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this hole here!" The old farmer said "Why that's impossible, I had him chained to a transmission!" __________________________________________________________
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?' He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So my wife called him a sh!t-head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.
Its not really a joke but if you watch this and don't laugh. I'm not sure what this WoW crap is but this kid was obviously really into it. Enjoy YouTube - Largest WoW freakout ever Original IN HD!
