Had friends over for dinner a couple of nights ago. Among the offerings was baked asparagus topped w/ Hollandaise sauce. As I'm bringing the H sauce, he asks me if I have any silver plates. I'm trying to figure out why in the hell he is asking me if I have silver plates when he says "Because there's no plates like chrome for the Hollandaise!"
My best pun ever. It was a wet miserable winter day and I put a bunch of newspaper down by the front door to keep from tracking mud into the house. My girlfriend asked me what that was for. I told her, "These are the Times that dry men's soles."
'I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.' 'Okay then,' said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'man thingy' the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than a AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling, then fell to the floor laughing. Ten minutes later, she was able to struggle to her feet and regain her composure. 'I am so sorry,' she said. 'I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?' 'It's swollen,' Fred replied. She ran out of the room.
Blonde woman drops off clothes at cleaners. Asian woman says, "Come again." Blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time, nosey b*tch."
Three cowboys were seated around the campfire out on the lonesome sagebrush prairie and with the pride for which these men were famous; it was a night of bravado, a night of tall tales.. Buck, the hand from Wyoming says, "I must be the strongest, meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral. It gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns with my bare hands and castrated that sucker with my teeth." Cody, from Texas, couldn't stand to be bested. That's nothing, "I was walking down the trail yesterday and a 15 foot Diamondback rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that bastard with my bare hands, bit off its head, and sucked the poison down in one gulp and didn't even get a belly ache." Old Jesse, the cowboy from Arizona, remained silent, slowly stirring the campfire coals with his pecker.
I got this in an email, I thought it was pretty funny The Minister & The Cajun... A pompous minister was seated next to a Cajun on a flight across the country. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Cajun asked for a whiskey and coke, which was brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by brazen whores than let liquor touch these lips." The Cajun then handed his drink back to the flight attendant and said, "****, me too. I didn't know we had a choice."
