New guy in prison. First night, after lights out, everything gets quiet, then someone yells "Three" and everyone starts laughing. A while later, someone yells "Fifteen" and everyone has a good hard laugh. This goes on a while with different people yelling different numbers and everyone has a good laugh. Next morning the new guy asks a guy at breakfast what was going on last night. He says they like to tell jokes, but they ran out of new ones, so they wrote them in a book and gave them numbers and everyone memorized the numbers, so you call out your favorite and everyone knows it. Next night, lights out, folks start calling numbers, followed by laughter. The new guy has read the book, has his favorite, and when there's a break, he calls out "Twenty seven", and there's just silence... Next morning at breakfast, he asks a guy, hey last night I called twenty seven and nobody laughed, what's up? Guys says, "some folks know how to tell a joke, some don't!!!"
Bill Clinton started jogging near his new home in Chappaqua. But on each run he happened to jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner, day after day. With some apprehension he would brace himself as he approached her for what was most certainly to follow. "Fifty dollars!" she would cry out from the curb. "No, Five dollars!" fired back Clinton . This ritual between Bill and the hooker continued for days. He'd run by and she'd yell, "Fifty dollars!" And he'd yell back, "Five dollars!" One day however, Hillary decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog! As the jogging couple neared the problematic street corner, Bill realized the "pro" would bark her $50 offer and Hillary would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings. He realized he should have a darn good explanation for the junior Senator. As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, Bill became even more apprehensive than usual. Sure enough, there was the hooker! Bill tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair jog past. Then, from the sidewalk, the hooker yelled... See what you get for five bucks"
Why do women wear underwear? Cause state law requires all manholes must remain covered at all times when not in use. That is all.
A man walks in a bank, gets in line and when it is his turn he pulls out A gun...and robs the bank! Just to make sure he leaves no witnesses..He Turns around and asks the next customer in line.. "Did you see me rob this bank?" The customer replies, "Yes!" The bank robber raises his gun , points it to the customer's head and BANG !!! Shoots him in the head and kills him! He quickly moves to the next customer in line and says to the man,"Did You see me rob this bank?" The man calmly responds ... "No, but my wife did!"
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.' The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?' She again replied, ' Why ye s, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.' The defense attorney nearly died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'
Two engineering students were walking across Texas A&M when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want". The second Aggie nodded approvingly, "Good choice; her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you, anyway."
