One of my tenants replaced her Suburban with a smaller Subaru SUV and she thinks it is the best thing since white bread. I've never owned a 4-cylinder but the thing will move and seems well-made.
I still love my 2001 Ford Excursion I got for family trips and hauling the boat. My wife has a Subaru but we opted for the 6-cylinder. It is a great small SUV and they are not super expensive. I was driving kids to soccer yesterday and chose it since if finally hit 60 degrees. Opened the moon roof and windows and had a good drive through the hills. I might pick up a used one for commuting and kids first vehicle in a few years.
There is really no valid reason unless you tow heavy things often. Or if you just want one. I did ride in a BMW diesel once and holy guacamole did that thing have torque. BMW is notorious for maintenance nightmares though
The Highlander is the #1 Midsize SUV. Consumer Reports has a couple books out on new cars/SUV, you would do well to get one of these, lots of great info.
I would stay away from the Jeep. I hear that mechanics start planning their next vacation when one is towed into their shop.
I owned two Jeep Grand Cherokees and liked both of them (I liked the look of them, especially). The A/C in them was really wimpy, though (I had a '98 and an '01--both leases because I couldn't afford much else back then.) Out of the ones you suggested, I would go with the Lexus all the way. The customer service and dependability of those vehicles cannot be beat. I'm pretty sure my '03 sedan is what my older daughter will be driving for herself in a couple of years. The Highlander will end up costing almost as much as the Lexus, and is basically the same car--so why not just go with the Lexus from the get go. And get leather over cloth--as it will clean much easier with kids and their messes in the car. (and they are still messy when they are older; my teenager's ballet pointe shoes are enough to knock out a cow.)
