Dude questions

This one is for the dudes, maybe the females too, don't know what public bathroom etiquette is for ladies.

So, let's say you gotta drop a deuce. You don't wanna use the public bathroom but you don't have much choice. You're in a stall and a bunch of people come in. Do you wait until they leave before finishing up and leave the stall? Or do you just not give a shit (sans the one you actually gave) and walk out while people are still in bathroom washing their hands?

 

if you make a lot of noise they're not usually there when you come out

 

I throw the door open like a GD champ.

 

Showtime is my policy. Try to make a song out of it and everything.

 

I don't give a shit if the pope and queen of England are in there. When I'm done I'm done. Who are you hiding from LaSalle?

 

You've never desecrated a place and then like 5 people give you the leper treatment? I have a story I'll tell when I get some time.

 

One time i really had to go and I was in a convenience store with a small bathroom with the door facing the wall. When I was done I discovered that there was no toilet paper on the roll. I cracked the door open and saw the bulletin board with the federal antidiscrimination rules on it. What is the statute of limitations on defacing government property?

 

No. Do those people think their shit doesn't stink?

 

This came up in a song by Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys. If after you've dropped your load and discover there's no paper on the roll but you find a picture of the Jesus on the floor. Do you risk losing your soul to save your pants?

 

So I went to this rave on Bollivar Island around Galveston, you have to take a ferry and then it's miles to the nearest bathroom. I'm 20, maybe 19, eat this wacky tab, it fucks my stomach and my whole existence up. Hit the ferry and fuck I'm sick. It's now Sunday morning, I hit the bathroom at the ferry dock and I explode throwing up. Threw up on the door to the stall, thought I was gonna make it but I fumbled at the goal line and covered the stall with vomit. We leave and my stomach starts, we stop at this McDonalds on a Sunday morning which everyone knows who has ever been to a McDonald's on Sunday morning, it's a giant church crowd. I haul ass to the bathroom, I already look like a beat up homeless person to these people probably, and I get to the stall and it's Nagasaki and Hiroshima combined. There are like 5 people in there and when I walk out they are all staring at me with this look on their faces like I just killed the president. I think that scarred me for life.