What is the Fulmer Cup?

LesIsMore · May 28, 2008

Can someone explain to me what the Fulmer Cup standings are? I know it has to do something with the athletes team getting in trouble. Everydayshouldbesaturday.com always has it up ....can anyone give me a rundown?

bhelmLSU · May 28, 2008

Just a ranking for what you said.

I assume you want the rules on the point system.

The player in question MUST BE ON ROSTER at the time of arrest. No Ex-Players!

Murder: 5 points.

Rape: 4 points. Downgraded to one if either participant is wearing a clown mask.

Bestiality: 4 points. It's a form of rape, really, no matter how much the goat has had to drink. High point value justified further by the fact that it involves having sex with an animal. You could say this was unthinkable, but in the past year alone two stories involving college athletes and at least the association with barnyard bonhomie of a most intimate degree have been reported, including the EDSBS Official GREATEST STORY EVER TOLD: the arrest of Oregon State player Ben Siegert for stealing a sheep used in a study on homosexuality in sheep.

Grand Larceny: 4 points. We use this as a catchall for players being involved in crime so outrageous and well-planned it can only be described as 'nefarious,' 'professional,' or 'legislation.' Applies to large drug rings, chop shop operations, and the Haitian human trafficking ring that's been run out of the Miami locker room since '93. (We kid! They didn't get that thing humming 'til '95 at the earliest.)

Hitting Girls: 3 points. We'll downgrade this to 2 if the girl can hold her weight and requires daily medication to prevent her from gouging her own eyes out (since those were the ones we always ended up dating, and we understand); or we'll upgrade to 4 points if the damage includes intensive care. Dad always said never hit girls, so we take this one seriously. Dad also said always double down with split aces, too, but we'll be damned if we didn't end up selling bone marrow in Macau the last time we followed that bit of advice.

Car theft/Assault/Driving through houses drunk/Drug possession of the Tyrone Biggums variety: 3 points. "Drug possession" never sounds all that bad until you add in 'crack cocaine,' which is society's signifier that your life has gone from that of high functioning simian in a complex society to that of a rat with electrodes in your brain's pleasure centers hitting a pedal in a glass box in a lab. Weed? Par for the course, especially if you're NFL-bound. Crack? Break out the Sports Century 'Weepy Sonata' music, because the story of your descent from boundless potential has just begun, and they haven't even begun to show the grainy shots of 130-lb you huddled in a shelter on Skid Row.

Fightin' in 'da Club/Weed Possession/Standard DUI: 2 points. Any scenario involving group fighting of a thugged-out, 'we run this place' variety, and marijuana possession of the nickel bag level. Possession of 100 pounds of marijuana is a totally different thing, and takes you right back up to the 4 point 'nefarious' level.

Drankin'/Suspended License/Assorted petty misdemeanors: 1 point.

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Fulmer Cup - SAS Wiki

HatcherTiger · May 28, 2008

LesIsMore said: ↑

the Fulmer Cup
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What Fat Phil Fulmer fills up with whole milk every morning before eating his jelly donuts?:grin:

Thorny · May 29, 2008

Orson Swindle of EDSBS came up with it after a particularly ugly off-season for the Vols. Being a Gator fan, he wanted everyone to remember the hated Vols that way.

I think it is brilliant, even if it did come from a Gator.

GEAUX TIGERS

PodKATT · Jun 2, 2008

Here's this weeks big board

Orson decided to go biblical this week, here are some highlights

SO SAYETH the prophet, that if thou should force thy way into a dormitory, and that thou should doest so in an unlawful and force’d fashion, that thoust should be charged to the fullest with the barrister’s charge of aggravated burglary and burglary. Furthermore, if thou’st should interrupt the gossamer sleep of a fair maiden most nobly contstruct’d by the placing of a pillow across the face, and thus stopst the vital aether of life from inspiring and expiring from the pneumaticism of her lungs, well…thou shalt receiveth an assault charge, yea verily.

Nine points hath been assessed to the Miami of Ohio. May God bless thy souls.
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Eight points for thee, Scarlet Knights. A robbery spree with thy fake gun garners thee a goodly sum of eight points, vermillion scamps of the Garden State. How couldst the panel miss such fearsome accomplishments? Shame and neglect are thy only answers.

Kent State hath nodded respectfully in thy direction, Rutgers, and hath thrown the gauntlet down by tossing a farthing on the pile on the wagering table: nine points for a trio of assault charges at a party most festive.
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LSU earns these points three for Shomari Clemons’ misdemeanor spree. It hath been proclaimed: be in peace.
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Proud Tiger · Jun 2, 2008

Link to Fulmer Cup info (see my 5/15/08 post):

Fulmer Cup - SAS Wiki

PodKATT · Jun 10, 2008

This weeks big board

The big news is that WVU pulls within misdemeanor distance of Mizzou because of a stolen credit card. Seems to be a recurring trend.

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What is the Fulmer Cup?

LesIsMore Founding Member

bhelmLSU Founding Member Staff Member

HatcherTiger Freedom Isn't Free

Thorny Founding Member

PodKATT Time to Put Your Pants On

Proud Tiger Founding Member

PodKATT Time to Put Your Pants On

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