To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah...

...night before last. Date: 2009-05-27, 1:43 A M EST. I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket
that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.
First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment, I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 A CP pistol for my birthday, and we had
picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it! I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare footed since I made you leave your your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again]. After I called your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as four other people's in the gas station on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful! I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!] I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, lthough I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.). In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider the career path you've chosen to pursue in life...Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!


Thoughtfully yours,
Alex

P.S. Remember this motto...An armed society makes for a more civil society!


Forwarded email. Not written by SabanFan. Any resmblance to persons living or dead is strictly coincidental. For entertainment purposes only.

 

whew. i was getting ready to be all jealous that you had a girlfriend. :hihi:

 

I doubt that it's true but I like the message. Like BengalB once said, I won't give up what's mine without a fight. Liberals prefer to think that we are neanderthals for wanting to be armed for protection.

 

do physically able males actually get mugged? i cant imagine anyone would mug me when there are so many old people and ladies out there. and i am not particularlt badass, just more badass than old people.

i would definitely rather pay the price of lost stuff once a lifetime than the price of lugging around a heavy ass dangerous gun forever. its not like i am wearing 7 rolexes or 10 grand in cash. the max i can lose is almost nothing.

also stories that are not true are not even worth the time spent reading them, unless they are written extraordinarily well and say something about the human condition .

i should note that every person i have ever known that felt like they had to physically carry a gun around was a coward.

 

Sabanfan, i have 3 of them, so what does that make me.

 

you father in laws story about sophisiticated robbers that cut lines and disable alarms, kill homeowners, then leisurely rob the place, this sounds grossly exaggerated.

i think the vast majority of home robberies are during the day when nobody is home, or in homes where accumulated newspapers and whatnot indicate the person is out of town.

 

A gang!