for me, it was much easier the other way. once people get far enough away from family pressure they are free to think for themselves. if i had never left lake charles id still be saved. i dont think it has anything to do with maher or other 3rd rate celebrities.
i tried about as hard to convince myself to be atheist as you tried to convince yourself that scientology or jim jones koolaidism isnt true.
I'd bet that on more than one occasion, as you lay in bed awaiting sleep, that you've asked yourself "What if I'm wrong?". If you deny, you're lying.