I wrote eulogies for both of my grandmothers. When my grandfathers died, preachers who didn't really know them gave speeches, and it actually offended me. Those men deserved better than that--but people have a hard time speaking at funerals. I get that. I did write down what I was going to say for both of them and read it. The one I wrote for my maternal grandma when she died in '98 came effortlessly because our relationship was so pure. When my dad called to ask me to write one for his mom when she died in '04, it was harder. My Grandma Gracie was a complicated woman. I walked around for a couple of days playing it in my head, and then I was able to get it all down. My older daughter, who was only three when I had to read that eulogy told me, "You did good, Mommy," when I went to sit down afterwards. I was three months pregnant with my younger daughter, who never got to meet her great grandmother at all.
My older sister asked me to deliver my dad's eulogy because she didn't think she could do it. I wrote it down as you did. I wanted to make sure I communicated what it felt like to be his daughter. Everyone already knew him as a friend, co-worker, ex-spouse (my mom), golf buddy, student, etc. Only my sister and I knew what it was to appreciate his guiding hand, to see the world the way he felt was important, to feel safe because we had a dad who would always look out for us, to have the best summer vacations with him. At the core of it I was hoping that it would make him smile if he were there in a chair, listening. Your daughter saw a great example of what love and family are all about.
My mom had her funeral all planned out and written down in a spiral notebook. She picked the songs, she outlined the eulogy, picked her pastor to deliver it, picked her brother-in-law (another pastor) to say the prayer, and said that she preferred living plants to flowers and that people were to take one home with them. And . . thinking of me . . . she wanted it short, snappy, and happy. I always hated weddings and funerals.
My mom had hers planned like that as well. Gave the eulogy at hers too. Hopefully don't have to in the future.
My grandma sewed her own dress to be buried in. A wedding gown to be the bride of Jesus. She was an amazing lady.
I'm rarely at a loss for words but I don't think I could do a eulogy for anybody close to me like my parents. In 1984 a very close friend of mine was killed when the aluminum ladder he was carrying touched a high voltage power line. Just about everybody at the funeral was his friend and family and we all knew each other. My friend had started going to some church and one of the guys from his church was there. Nobody else knew him and at the gravesite he got up and asked if anybody there wanted to say a few words about our dead friend. Nobody could come up with anything and it was an awkward moment for everybody. Not that there weren't a lot of good things we could have said but it put everybody on the spot
