Marine Stories That Will Run This Thread Into The Shitter.

@shane0911 you are up.

 

MARINE CORPS ENTRANCE EXAM

Subject: Marine Entrance Exam
Time Limit: 3 weeks
Name:__________________

1. What language is spoken in France?

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions-OR-give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.

3.Would you ask William Shakespeare to:
___a. build a bridge
___b. sail the ocean
___c. lead an army or
___d. WRITE A PLAY!!!!

4. What religion is the Pope?(check only one)
----a. Jewish
____b. Catholic
____c. Hindu
____d. Polish
____e. Agnostic

5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?

6.What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?

7. How many commandments was Moses given?(approximately)

8. What are people in America's far north called?
____a. Westerners
____b. Southerners
____c. Northerners

9. Spell: Bush, Carter, and Clinton
Bush:________________
Carter:______________
Clinton:_____________

10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five:

11. Where does rain come from?
____a. Macy's
____b. a 7-11
____c. Canada
____d. the sky

12. Can you explain Einstein's Therory of Relativity?
____a. yes
____b. no

13. What are coat hangers for?

14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for what country?

15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium-OR-spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.

16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?

17. Which part of America produces the most oranges?
____a. New York
____b. Florida
____c. Canada
____d. Wisconsin

18. Advanced math. If you have three apples, how many apples do you have?

19. What does NBC(National Broadcasting Corporation) stand for?

20. The Cornell University tradition for efficiency began when(approximately)?
____(a) B.C.
____(b) A.D.

*You must correctly answer three or more questions to qualify.

 

I should have joined back in the day instead of learning the answers to those questions.

 

Ok here goes. You guys are taxing my memory because all of this shit happened a long time ago but they are all true.

So remember the big DI that threw me down Mt Mother Fu**er his name was Scarrow. Big sum bitch bout 6'4 240 and just mean. Well we are doing our bed checks, all have to "tow the line" which means stand at the foot of our bunks so the DI can come around and make sure we aren't AFU from the days training, they will ask us questions and what not and then it is lights out. Here is a picture for reference.



We had this kid, no shit his name was Hornbuckle and not only was her from Tx he was from some part of Tx that is 100x more Tx than any other part of Tx known to the rest of the country. Now this kid was about 6'2 and just scrawny, probably weighed 115 lbs if he was lucky. Beady eyes, big nose and had those BCG glasses on. So ol Horny just happens to be directly across from me for lineup. My bunk was against the wall and his was on the center isle. I catch something out the corner of my eye and it is the big bastard Scarrow sneaking up on Hornbuckle. This big sumbitch is moving like a damn cat, stealthy and quiet and I instinctively slide my tongue between my molars and start to apply pressure because I know what is coming. I look up from my green book of knowledge to now see that Scarrow is now standing behind him and at this point it is the train wreck that you cannot look away from. He lets out this blood curdling yell that scares ol Horny about out of his skin, his green book goes flying and so does his bcg's and the kid is shaking like he landed in the Klondike. I to this day don't know if he shit himself but it wouldn't surprise me. I am now tasting blood in my own mouth for how hard I am mashing down but I have to try and maintain my composure.

Once order is restored he gets in front of Hornbuckle and he does his thing "Sir Private Hornbuckle has no issues to report Sir" but it didn't sound like that at all. It was all lathered up in Texan and I'm still trying to maintain but failing miserably. He says to him (and you would have to hear his voice, Scarrow that is, its a very low but smooth baritone but it carries) He says "why don't they speak English in Tx, why is always that Texanese bullshit)

Now that in itself isn't all that funny but it may have saved poor Hornbuckles life because that is when I lost it. I don't know why I thought it was so funny. I guess because it is happening directly across from me and I can see the fear in this kids face, the delivery of the line from the DI (I swear they attend comedy school before earning their smokey) but for whatever reason I let out one of those naisly grunt type things and the real show was on. Scarrow does an about face and is now in my grill and thus began my strength training. We got to be good friends after that, also a few weeks before he tossed me down the mountain.

 

Not in the Corp but here's a story anyway. I use to fly from Charlotte to Charleston, SC on business with some frequency. Seems I was always on the last flight of the day. That flight always seemed to have new recruits on it. Being the last flight of the day, we often had to wait on other connecting flights in order to get the new recruits to the island on time.

Those boys would be loud and proud and cutting up, I swear some of them were drunk. They would sometimes sing and have a high old time. As we taxied to the terminal, the pilot made the same announcement every time. We have special cargo tonight, brand new US Marines. We ask that you stay seated so we can get these fine young men off the plane together so they can meet their new drill sergeants.
This was always met with enthusiastic cheers and high fives from the recruits as they walked up the ails to de-plane. Fast forward about ten minutes. As I enter the terminal, the recruits are broken up into small groups of four or five. They are scattered all around the terminal, some facing the wall, some just up against it, some sitting on the floor in a circle. All were in some form of forced discomfort. Each group had two Drill instructors all up in their business. They were all very pale and all had the deer caught in the headlights look. A few looked like they may have shit their pants.
Freaking hilarious and never got old.

 

So true story:

An Army Ranger was on vacation in the bayous of Louisiana and he wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Ranger shouted, "maybe I'll just go out and get my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes made at a reasonable price!"

The vendor said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you will run into a couple of Marines who were in here earlier saying the same thing."

So the Ranger headed into the bayou that same day and a few hours later came upon two men standing waist deep in the water. He thought, "those must be the two Marines the guy in town was talking about." Just then, the Ranger saw a tremendously long gator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines.

Just as the gator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. Then both Marines dragged it on shore and flipped it on its back. Laying nearby were several more of the creatures.

One of the Marines then exclaimed, "Damn, this one doesn't have any shoes either!"

 

I'm watching A Few Good Men where Jack Nicholson uttered the famous line:

 

You have to know these things when you’re king.

 

And believe me they do. There were about 5 of us in my platoon that were Copenhagen addicts. Same big bastard DI from Nebraska would always be on platform with his lip sticking out. It was a game to him and he knew it. He would get his can out and scan our eyes to see who had "the look" and then he would tease us.

It took me about a week to figure out he would throw his can away with plenty left in it. That news didn't stay a secret for long and quite a few fights broke out over an almost empty can of dip.