FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE LOUISIANA STATE DEFENSIVE LINE TO HAVE HANDLES INSTALLED ON UNIFORMS The Southeastern Conference's head football official, Bobby Gaston, announced today that beginning with LSU's November 28 football game with the University of Arkansas Razorbacks, LSU's defensive linemen would have to use a newly designed uniform that includes a pair of handles on the front and the back of their jerseys. "LSU's defensive linemen are making the rest of the conference's offenses look bad, and it just isn't fair to make other teams rely on grabbing their jerseys alone. This rule is being implemented to restore competitive balance to the league." When informed about the rule change, Ole Miss Head Coach David Cutcliffe made a formal protest and asked that LSU forfeit its recent victory over Ole Miss because it did not wear the new jersey handles. "The material jerseys are made of lacks rigidity and stretches too much to allow our linemen to get a good hold on their defensive front four. It's not fair that Arkansas will get to use the handles while we had to just go for their jerseys, their necks, or anything else we could grab. We deserve to represent the West in the SEC Championship Game since LSU cheated by not wearing the jersey handles." While the forfeiture request is still under review by the SEC, Gaston responded, "Well, we thought the game would be competitive enough if we just let them hold LSU's jerseys, and it was a close game, so don't blame the officials, blame your stupid kicker."
Classic, gotta give Ole Miss D props. It looked like they watched ALLLLLOT of LSU game tape, LSU ran the same old stuff and they had a "handle" on our O.
