Ode to Tubbervile (Birthday Tribute from LSU by the Metairie Poet) Let us raise the toast, let us tip our glass To the one we most want to kick their $$$ Oh Tommy Tuberville, Coach of Gooberville Tom Tubbervile, redneck n' a crooked smile Then you were a picture of class and grace With the big cheap cigar stuffed in your face Saban owns $$$ now, you can't climb that hill Five and three records don't give them a thrill The Auburn admin has you on a very hot seat Nick Saban's Champs you know you must beat But beat 'em with what, Al please tell me how Admin wants results, and they want 'em now Jason Campbell, he belongs in a theatre aisle Seating movie patrons and flashing his smile Relax Tommy; I can make him a quarterback Just give me nine months to form the attack We use two monsters, Brown's on the bench We run a few new plays to rid the old stench It's a West Coast offense, we put on a show It'll buy us time; they will pay the good dough Everyone knows your recruiting has been poor Every day you're just a step closer to the door Cadillac and all the seniors are your last Hurrah Remember don't meddle or it'll be the last straw But today is your day and the Tiger gift is nigh We are all so excited that the team is sky high Damn the hurricane, oh how can this horror be? How dare it reschedule your date with Destiny? But alas as you look upon your field of Dreams Hurricane Nick's howling and you hear screams Your head's thumping, loud boos can be heard Al, what's up with Campbell, give me the word Nick's rabid on his sideline, soon blood will spill Touchdown LSU, the Auburn crowd grows still Campbell tries passing again but it's to no avail All the wind has died down from the Auburn sail The crowd is getting antsy, the grumbles begin Campbell drops back to pass, but fumbles again Good Auburn recovery, Tubby's heart's pity-pat Jason looks like he doesn't know where he's at The punt roars high; a fair catch has been made Auburn's Dee must now try to stop Nick's brigade What's this, Oh no, JaMarcus Russell has come in Why couldn't we get him here Al ... it's just a sin LSU just keeps driving, with their passes so crisp Borges mumbles and stutters to Tom with his lisp A last desperate blitz, a loud crack is then heard The penalty flag flies up with the pass like a bird Doucet makes a great grab, Early gets his first TD Tubbervile's going nuts on his sideline, it's insanity The call, Offsides on the Dee, the six points stand The crowd boos loudly, Auburn's Dee pounds sand LSU leads fourteen to zip, it's not looking too good Tubby shudda cancelled the game, if only he could Jason Campbell is pulled and Brandon Cox comes in LSU's amazing Blitzing Dee becomes ferocious again Brandon does a shuffle and tries his West Coast jive He goes three downs and out, but he gets out alive Another punt, this one goes low, a runback for sure Green is down to their thirty, another 3 point score. When halftime comes, LSU leads seventeen to three Tubby's so damned frustrated that he can hardly see They head to their locker room, Tubby starts to bawl He tells his outmanned team, the writing's on the wall I've loved you boys dearly, though I don't show it well Even though we're gonna lose guys, just give 'em hell The whole team they're so touched by what they see The poor coach on his birthday, drowning in his misery Borges pulls the boys of the West Coast offense aside He inspires them like hellcats and appeals to their pride They come out on fire, yelling and throwing their hands The crowd they go nuts, looking down from the stands Jason Campbell leads a drive, and he takes them for six The crows roars it's approval, Auburn has found its fix But LSU takes the kickoff and they cannot be stopped It's so clear to the crowd, Auburn's $$$ will be mopped LSU leads 24-10, it's now or never, Jason Campbell is in But the Tiger Dee stiffens and Auburn has to punt again An Auburn crowd boos him so loudly, Tubby's dying inside Another LSU TD has come, now Tubby is playin' for pride. Auburn's crowd filters out and Tubby mopes and he pouts He looks at the LSU side, Saban jumps, screams n' shouts The subs wait hungrily as they have lived to make this day Tubby orders them in wholesale; today they all get to play Cuz it is just another Football year with five wins and three Second Fiddle Auburn and poor Tuberville reek of mediocrity Die-hard fans stand & cheer, they know it's Tom's last year His last battle done with LSU, he shakes a hand & is through
<sniff!> Brings tears to my eyes.... :cry: I'm inspired.... To coach Tubereater: Happy birtday to you, You have no class So take your cigar and stick it up your arse They call you the gambler some say you're not smart but you'll show them all by lighting your farts You live in a trailer and married your sis no wonder you're bitter cause you drink your piss I won't tell your maw what you did with your paw but in other states sodomy's against the law
