LSU BOY A Louisiana State University fan is drinking in a New York bar, when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar, announcing his wife has just given birth to a typical LSU Tiger baby boy weighing 25 pounds! Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the LSU fan just shrugs and replies, That's about average back home, folks, like I said, my boy's a typical LSU Tiger baby boy. He's gonna be a LSU football player." Congratulations showered him from all around, amid many exclamations of "WOW!" One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, aren't you the father of that LSU Tiger baby boy that weighed 25 pounds at birth? Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. So, how much does he weigh now?" The proud father answers, "Fifteen pounds." The bartender is puzzled, concerned and a little suspicious. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!" The LSU father takes a slow swig of his beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, "Had him circumcised."
One day little Johnny heard a noise and peeked into his parents room to check it out. He opened the door to see his mom bent over the dresser and dad going at it behind her. Johnny's dad saw him and gave him a little wink as Johnny closed the door. After business was finished Dad went to check on little Johnny. He opened his bedroom door to find Grandma bent over the dresser and little Johnny going at it behind her. Dad yelled, "Johnny, what the hell are you doing?!" Little Johnny replied, "It's not so funny when its YOUR mom is it?!"
This joke reminds me of some of my friends out at Splash lol... A cabbie picks up a nun............. A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies ... "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you," She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive. "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic." The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!" "OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley." The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child," said the nun, "Why are you crying?" "Forgive me, but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish." The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween Party." :thumb: p.s. sorry if someone already posted this one, but i didnt get a chance to read all of em.....
This is a funny audio file entitled "Telemarketer Nightmare." It lasts about 3.5 min. I hope you like it. http://www.jibjab.com/view/65910
I don't remember if I posted this one before or not, so here goes. An OM grad was traveling the backroads of La. on vacation and just enjoying life. He saw an old man sitting on the porch of a real old cajun home and decided to stop and just talk to him. The OM guy had on his Rebel cap as he got out of his car. As he approached the elder gentleman, he noticed that the old man had on his LSU cap. The old man eyed the OM dude and wasn't really very friendly. Since the OM guy had been trying to learn how to throw his voice, this gave him an idea. He looked around and saw the old man's dog. He looked at the dog and said to the dog, "Hello Mr. dog. How's life been treating you? Is this man good to you?" Then in his best "doggie voice" he proceded to "throw" his voice. The dog says "Oh, ok I guess. He feeds me pretty good usually. He doesn't tie me up, so I'm free to chase the ladies and all." The cajun's eyes opened wide. Then the OM guy looked over and saw a horse. "Hello Mr. Horse. How's life for you?" In his other voice, the horse says, "Life's pretty good. He doesn't plow me anymore and just bought a pretty young filly for me." The cajun's mouth dropped down. Then the OM guy saw several sheep in a nearby pen. "Hello Mrs.Ewe....How are things for you today?" The old cajun jumped to his feet, threw his cap on the ground, and said, "Them dammed sh-sh-sheep lie. They lie I tell you! Now g-g-get out of here."
A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into Wal-Mart With her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The Wal-Mart Greeter said pleasantly "Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?" The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no they Ain't." "The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell would You think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?" "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am," replied the greeter. "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice." "Have a good day and thank you For shopping at Wal-Mart."
What is a "farmerette"? That's a girl who goes out on Saturday night and sows her wild oats, then goes to church on Sunday morning and prays for a crop failure. :hihi:
How do you keep Alabama players from masterbating??? Paint their wee wees PURPLE & GOLD because they'll never beat that!! :geaux: :geaux: :geaux:
