Foreign Relations Marketing Slogans

Slogans: Good. Policy: Bad.

By Will Durst, AlterNet.


President Bush tapped Karen Hughes this week to be his extra special super secret advisor whose mission, should she choose to accept it, is to repair the image of the U.S. overseas, particularly in the Arab world. What are they code naming this mission, Sisyphus? Does the phrase “Band-Aid on a sucking chest wound” have any meaning here? Perhaps a raffle or a bake sale is also in the works. As my daddy always said, “No matter how many ducky feathers you glue to a tank, you’re still not going to get invited to swim in many inflated pools.”

It’ll be interesting to see what measures Ms. Hughes takes when she finds out the problem isn’t so much our lousy public relations but our lousy foreign policies. You want to improve America’s image, I’ll tell you how to improve America’s image. Put a leash on Rumsfeld and stop treating the rest of the world like it smells funny and made a doo doo on the shag rug in front of Mother Teresa’s holier sister on Easter.

I got to say, creating the position of Spinmeister General does makes sense; at least we’re playing to our strengths. As a country we have always excelled at selling the sizzle over the steak. Just last fall, this nation’s veterans chose a borderline deserter over a decorated war hero. And the responsibility for that feat can be laid directly at the altar of advertising. There you go: enlist the Swift Boat Veterans to launch an international campaign finally revealing the truth about Osama’s chronic bed wetting.

If Karen Hughes plans to craft a cuddlier image for us, she’s going to need a little help. OK, she’s going to need a lot of help. An aircraft carrier group of help. And I’m thinking some snappy slogans could come in handy. Quick. Simple. Buzz-worthy. So, in the interest of patriotism, I’m offering up a few. Gratis. Don’t thank me, I’m here to help.

30 U.S. FOREIGN POLICY EXTREME MAKEOVER SLOGANS. 30.

* When Democracy Reigns, It Pours.

* America: Just a Big Red White and Blue Teddy Bear With a Whole Lot of Guns.

* Snap. Crackle. Pow. Thud.

* Be All We Think You Should Be.

* Tastes Great. Less Torture.

* They Don’t Call Us The GREAT Satan For Nothing.

* America 2.0. Now With Improved Press Suppression.

* What’s So Bad About Bread And Circuses Anyway?

* John Wayne: Not Just an Actor. A Way Of Life.

* Don’t Like Us? Get in Line.

* I’d Walk A Mile For A Camel.

* The US: The Ultimate Lying Machine.

* Wouldn’t You Really Rather Have A Republic?

* Badges, We Don’t Need No Stinking Badges.

* Friendly Fire R Us.

* Democracy: Just Do It.

* You’re In Good Hands With Our State.

* You Keep the Sand, We’ll Take the Oil.

* Sometimes You Feel Like a Crazed Tyrannical Despot, Sometimes You Don’t.

* Freedom: Breakfast of Champions.

* We’re Everywhere You Want To Be. Deal With It.

* The New Improved Low-Carb, Atkins-Friendly America.

* Got Grenades?

* Don’t Leave Home Without It. No, Really. Stay in Your Homes.

* I Can’t Believe I Invaded The Whole Peninsula.

* Autonomy: Its the Real Thing.

* The Best Part Of Waking Up Is No Dead Bodies On Your Doorstep.

* Aren’t You Glad You Use a Free Market Economy? Don’t You Wish Everybody Did?

* Better Living Through Sovereignty.

* Nobody Doesn’t Like Britney Spears.

 

Brilliant suggestions for improving foreign policy. It's just a shame Iraq is starting to turn out OK after all and other populations are pursuing autonomy.

 

Wow, you must tell me, i must know, just how does it feel to be so detached from reality?

http://icasualties.org/oif/

The clip at which we've lost soldiers in the last 6 months dwarfs any span before that. . .

The recent election was deemed a sham by the general populace (well the general populace who stopped getting shot up enough to take the time to vote). . . And as further proof that the US forced a hasty election on a unwanting and unready minority:

"As the 275-member assembly prepared to hold its second meeting, more than two months after general elections, it appeared that the top politicians had failed to reach any deal to install a government."

A british lawmaker summarized it great:

The trouble with spin is that its effects are temporary. It may get you through your current problems, but it can't keep unpleasant realities at bay for ever

 

Just depends on who's story you believe, I guess. I'm not there, and very few people have any credibility in stating an objective analysis. And no, I'm not going to the trouble to find other sources that have evaluated the situation in Iraq in a positive manner.

 

Fair enough. . .

And in all honesty and fairness, it's easy for me to attack the situation because i'm not sure there is a "positive manner." These people have been killing each other since the dawn of creation and they'd be doing it right now if we were or weren't there.

 

Talk about detached from reality.

Are you aware of a little conflict known as World War II? You know that little skirmish where US losses AVERAGED about 300 PER DAY? What we've lost in Iraq in two years totals less than what we lost in one week on the average in WWII.

You might want to pass that info on to a lifelong friend of mine, who is currently a company First Sergeant w/ the 1088th out of New Roads, stationed in Baghdad. I got an e-mail from him last week stating that things have quieted down considerably since the elections...that the elections signaled a major defeat for the insurgency. In short, my friend and his troops
have got the bad guys on the run.

Sorry to ruin your day. I know how you liberals love doom and gloom and anything that spells disaster for the America that rejects your "better" ideas
on how to do things.

 

- deleted

 

I didn't mean EVER. I meant any other span in Iraq. I attended public school in Louisiana and I know the losses were a TAD more in WWII. And the Civil War was like double or triple WWII i think.

I apologize if that came across as that I was implying that Iraq dwarfed all those other conflicts in losses. Twas not my intent, but rereading my original post i'm not sure why you would draw that conclusion from what I posted anyway.

Once again, you have the freedom to believe whatever you want to believe. I'll trust every piece of media coverage on any medium, in any language, in any country which says otherwise. Even Fox News can't pull positive news out of Iraq at this time.

 

Gee, thanks. That's awfully decent of you.

That's because you want to believe the worst...it apparently suits your agenda. Myself, I'll take the word of a lifelong friend (a bona fide Silver Star recipient, BTW) who's serving over there and would have no reason to lie to me about how things are going.

 

I would like to continue arguing this point with you, but i'm afraid it would deviate from the original nature of the thread and my post would be deleted.