This is how the Democratic Convention Schedule Will Go: 6:00Pm No Opening Prayer Most Democrats are Athiests 6:01 PM Bill CLinton goes to podium to announce party in his room and all women are open targets for groping 6:15 Kerry goes to podium to bash the Bush as he says it Has 42 Vietnam war medals on his chest. Claims one is for being the most boring soldier that ever lived. 6:30 Hilary Clinton goes to Podium Topic is how to steal FBI files and commit murder without being caught. Uses Ted Kennedy as a slide show presentation 6:45 Ted Kennedy goes to podium to speak on " Its not how much you can do for your country but how much being a senator lets you eat at the senate buffet every day" Doesnt realize the microphone is on and is overheard talking about seeing Hilary Clinton's lesbian lover backstage. 7:00 John Kerry comes to the podium to Bash The Bush again and claims that another one of his medals is for heroism in battle. He got a papercut sending a love letter to his girl. 7:15 John Kerry removed from podium by the only 2 security gaurds still awake 7:30 Bill Clinton re-appears half naked with Jennifer Flowers to wake up the convention goers and explains the parties just getting going Tells all the people to call him Bubba 7:45 Jesse Jackson comes to the podium to speak on campaign financing Uses his experience in Blackmailing Budweiser as an example Leaves in a tissy when Bill Clinton sneaks up behind him and pulls down his pants and says " Your My Boy Blue" Blood tests done later actually reveal Bill Clinton is Jesse Jackson's Father. Who New? 8:00 John Kerry comes back to podium with no war medals on chest says he gave them away in protest of the fact Bill Clinton groped his wife and she was caught licking Heinz Ketchup off his body. 8:15 Bill Clinton comes to Podium to say i did not grope that women. I had sex with her its just that simple. 8:30 John Kerry and Bill Clinton get in a fight on stage over who gets to introduce Barbara Streisand. Barbara tries to break up the fight and ends up in a 3 way lovefest . 8:35 Barbara straightens her clothes and sings Jimmy Davis version of " You are my Sunshine" the crowd is in tears because of the stirred emotion. 9:00 Pm John Kerry comes back to podium to declare that President Bush is not a " Great President" all the newsmedia are deligently claiming this is one of the greatest moments in history and John Kerry is like John Kennedy. 10:00 John Kerry realizes there is no one left in the room hearing his speach. The noise coming from Bill Clintons room is deafening. He heads to Bill's room to see Barbara Streisand and Hillary on the piano making love The crowd is going crazy and he announces he thinks he deserves to get another medal to the crowd. Medal of peace because he is not going to beat up Bill Clinton because he made love to his wife. 11:00 In a drunken stuper Kerry is nominated to be the democrat nominee for dog catcher in the district of columbia some in the audience observe thats a job he just might be qualified for. Convention ends with Bill Clinton streaking through the hall chasing Hilary begging for her to have sex with him. One convention observer tells another" This wasnt as good a party as 4 years ago" That gore really knew how to party End
