Best read EVER!!! Sept 4th (long but DAMN good)

This is one of the best things I have ever read...


My Wish List for the 2004 CFB Season...

The college football season is my Christmas and I've been a
good little boy (OK, not really. According to my wife, I've
been drunk, surly, and rowdy. But everbody deserves a
second chance.) So I'm making a list and I'm checking it
twice. All I want for 2004 is:

(10) A BCS National Championship Bowl Game that doesn't
feature a team from Florida. For just about four straight
years, I've had to endure NC games with Florida teams. I'm
tired of hearing about the Gators, the Hurricane, and the
Seminoles. I'm tired of announcers lauding the talent in our
classless neighbor to the east. I'm sick of hearing about
Spurrier (He's gone, yeah!), Bowden (Still there, damn!), and
whatever old man is currently running the football business at
Miami. But most of all, I'm tired of seeing the spectacle of the
national championship tarnished by a stadium full of wife-
beater wearin', gold-chain lovin', mullet sculptin', 1986 Trans-
Am drivin' Florida fans who look like they were plucked off of
the set of the lowest budget porno ever made.

(9) Defense. Lots of LSU defense. Bone crushing, quarterback
sacking, run stuffing defense that makes opposing offenses
cry for their mommies and wonder why they ever took up the
game in the first place. I want Pittman and Spears to
converge on a QB and hit him so hard that he actually
evaporates. Nothing left but a jersey, some pads, some blood,
and a pile of bone. I want coverage so tight that Webster
and Daniels follow the opposing recievers home and won't let
them catch a pass at their own practice the following
Monday. I want shutouts. Hell, I want our defense to be so
good that the referees feel compelled to award the opposing
offense negative points. LSU 28 Georgia -6.

( A LOUD Tiger Stadium. NO family atmosphere. No old
people. No little kids (unless they are those kick-a$$ little
kids, you know the ones, the kids who know the fight song
and stand and yell on third downs, the future die-hards). I
want NOISE. I want a stadium so loud that it makes the
players ears bleed. I want opposing players to wake up on
their death beds sixty years from now with a roar echoing in
their ears, wondering if they heard hell coming or if it was just
a flashback to Tiger Stadium 2004.

(7) A full TS for EVERY game - for the WHOLE game. I don't
care if the score is LSU 190 Opponent 0 or Opponent 64 LSU
10. I don't care if WE ARE playing the Idaho Class A High
School state runner up. Stay the whole game! Sit in your
seats and cheer! Don't tell me that it's too hot or too cold or
that your grandma had a stroke and is convulsing on one of
the concourses. I don't care. We've got rep to protect,
people. Maybe Skip should use those new cameras to pick out
people who habitually leave early so that we can Tazer those
motherf*****s.

(6) A dominant LSU run game. I want holes so big that Beano
Cook could run for first downs. I want Whitworth, Johnson,
Niswanger, Wilkerson, and Livings to record so many pancake
blocks that I could stack 'em up and eat 'em for breakfast. I
want Broussard to initiate so much contact that DB's start to
run FROM HIM. I want Broussard to run over so many
defensive backs that he starts a collection of their skin taken
from his cleats after he runs them over. I want Justin
Vincent to ACTUALLY juke a defender out of his jock strap. I
hope Kevin Steltz provides lead blocking so viscious that LB's
lie down and pretend they've been blocked before he even
gets there. I want to line up for one whole game solely in the
I formation, run only counters and dives, and still win by fifty.

(5) To get BUZZED in Tiger Stadium. Screw the security,
screw the cameras, screw the prohibitionist, tea totlling
a$$es who have somehow forgotten that alcohol has forever
been and will forever be a part of the LSU football experience,
I'm getting drunk in TS this year. I'll stick a flask down my
pants or hide it in my jacket. If that doesn't work, I'll have my
wife smuggle it in with her cute smile. If that still doesn't
work, I'll hire a Russian nuclear scientist to chemically break
down vodka, bring the component parts in, and reconstitute it
in the SEZ. I'll call the Air Force and have them airlift me
some whiskey:
Corso: Hey, Kirk, what is that falling from the sky near the
south endzone?
Herbstriet: It appears to be...Yes, yes, it is. It's two crates
of Crown attached to a parachute.
Corso: Where's the B-52 that dropped it?
Herbstriet: I don't know. I guess we couldn't hear it over the
noise in the stadium.

(4) Blowouts of SEC opponents. Good ole fashion a$$-
whippings handed out by the Tigers. 45-0. 44-6. 52-10. 37-0.
Games where we lead by 28 at half. Games where our second
team is in in the second quarter, where you have to scramble
to find a roster just to figure out which walk-ons are playing.
Games where you turn to the guy next to you and ask "Who
the heck is number 109?" and the guy just shrugs and says "I
think he's the captain of the LSU intramural flag football
champions. They pulled him out of the stands and let him
play." And you know what, THAT GUY still scores. I want
blowouts that end other teams' seasons: "They were never
the same after their trip to Baton Rouge." I want blowouts
that make fans of opposing schools give up their season
tickets: "After the LSU game, I figured I'd be better off
spendin' my money on rehabin' that Camaro."

(3) Let the wide recievers go!! And they're off!! Let's line up
in a five-wide set and let our boys run. Let's create a play
where Randall, Flynn, or Russell just lobs up a pass and sees
which of our recievers gets there first. I want to see Sky
Green beat a DB, run back to give him another chance, and
then beat him again. I want to see Amp Hill go a whole game
where he only catches with his left hand. No no no no no, I
want to see Bowe wear a blindfold for a half and catch the
ball by using the Force.

(2) A perfect SEC Record. No blemishes, no mistakes. I want
Tubby to cry and his players to reveal themselves as the
thugs they are. I want Ole Miss' QB to feel the way Eli did
when he tripped and fell on his a$$ because he was so afraid
of the LSU pressure that he KNEW was coming. I want the
Rebels to get beat so badly they exhaust their entire supply
of Heineken on the bus ride home. I want to see opponents
tickets on EBAY for $500 and people selling their first born
children just so that they can have the honor of seeing a real
football team play the game the way it was meant to be
played. I want Croom to cement MSU's status as LSU's
permanent biotch. I can't wait to see "Right Reverend" Nutt
say a prayer, start two ex-cons, do a little rap for his players
pre-game, and still get blown out. I want Shula and the boys
to get it through their thick skulls once and for all: THE BEAR
IS DEAD AND IN HIS PLACE A TIGER HAS RISEN.

(1) Repeat SEC and National CHAMPIONSHIPS. I want to go
into Atlanta and play Tennessee or Florida or Georgia or
whatever overhyped, undercoached primadonna emerges from
the East and I want to wipe the floor with them. I want to
play in front of a stadium that is 65pct them and 35pct us and
we are still twice was loud as them. I want Saban to
outcoach the opponent so badly that the other coach is left
with the same shocked, confused look that Phat "Donut King"
Fulmer wore at the end of 2001's and Richt wore at the end
of 2003's championship game. I want the world to know that
the SLEEPING GIANT HAS AWAKENED and THAT ITS HUNGRY.
I want there to be silence in Auburn and Tuscaloosa and
Oxford and Fayetteville and Starkville, too. The silence of the
dead, the silence of those who know the end is nigh.
I want to bleed purple and gold.
I want to die in Tiger Stadium and be buried at midfield so
that my gravestone trips up the enemy.

Simply put, I want to be an LSU Tiger for life.

 

One problem I see

Does anyone remeber lining up with five WRs last season? LSU won the Naitonal Championship by running the ball. There's no reason not to continue running the ball. There is nothing more demoralizing than running the ball. They know it will come, and it will, and there will be first downs. There simply will. And when they put 9 in the box, THEN you go voer the top. THEN you strike for big yards. Justin Vincent, Barrington Edwards, Shyrone Carey, Alley Brousard, Joe Addai? You don't waste this talent lining up in Hal Mumme sets. :lsug: ldskule:

 

This post was lifted off another message board....

 

And let me add that it's really sad to see an LSU fan suggest that old people and young kids don't belong in Tiger Stadium ... who in the hell does he think built the Tiger Stadium's reputation?

Many of us started going to the games at an early age ... and I sure hope I can continue going when I'm old!

 

Numbers 6 and 3 contradict each other.

 

I actually saw this posted sometime during the 2002 season--a version of it, using our players from that time and our situation/opponents.

I thought it was great then, but hey, a lot of that "want" list actually came true during the '03 season!

 

I recognize

much of this literature.

Imitation is truly the sincerest form of flattery. :wink:

 

This should be #1

 

Buddy, I'm in the band, and I feel your pain.