Auburn fans smell just like pickles. Yes, it is often said, but so, so true. Auburn fans do smell like pickles. I would never tell them that to their face though. This is something better said at internet distances. Even now, I am afraid. I am afraid that they'll know I said it. I'll walk past an Auburn fan someday, and he'll see that look in my eye that gives it away. That look that says, "gee, what is that smell? Is it pickles?" The next thing you know, I'll have flat tires on my car. If you only learn one thing from me today, remember not to tell Auburn fans how they smell - you know, like pickles. Auburn fans seem, somehow, sensitive to that whole pickle issue. If you attend a game in Auburn, try to avoid telling them that they smell like pickles. Say something else instead. Like, "Wow, Auburn sure does have a great team this year. This is going to be a great SEC game." It's hard. I know. It's like when you're having sex and you try to think about baseball. That pickle smell is just so overwhelming. It makes it hard for you to think about football or baseball or whatever else. Your brain wanders into pickle topics like: "Gee, I wonder if I took a bite of your finger, if you would taste just like a pickle?"; or "Is this a real person or is it a giant pickle trying to make me think it is a real person?" or "What did that giant pickle just say?" or "Excuse me, Mister, why is it that you smell just exactly like pickles smell?" or, of course, after a silencer: "Madam, did you just let the pickles out?" You know what else is a bad thing to do? Holding your nose around them. They are real sensitive to that, too. Try holding your breath. But don't be obvious about it. Somehow they know you're trying not to breathe in the pickle smell. And that offends them. They'll likely punch you for that if they catch on to what you're doing. If you do breathe it in long enough, though, it'll permeate your whole body, and then you'll smell like a pickle just like they do. But don't say, "Dang, now I smell like a pickle." They take offense to that. And they will throw things. But not pickles. Hard stuff. Stuff that leaves bruises and makes you bleed. Then you may have to get stitches or something. Just don't say it. If you do start smelling like a pickle, just shut up about it. Okay? I think kids are acutely aware of pickle smells too. Counsel your kids on how to behave around Auburn fans. If Auburn fans are driving around town, do not let your kids stick their heads out of your car window and sniff the air. No. Keep your windows rolled up. An odd change in their expression - indicating they smell pickles- might get a wrench or pipe or some other object tossed at your windshield. So, that's dangerous. Let your kids stick their heads out of the car windows as you drive - on some other weekend. I know you are just as puzzled as I am about some of this pickle stuff. What puzzles me most is that I've never actually seen any of these Auburn fans with a pickle in their hand. Okay, maybe there's no mystery there - maybe they already ate the pickles. Who knows? Maybe there's a pickle factory in Auburn and they all work there. Maybe, there's a pickle lotion that they wear, or a French perfume. Maybe their city council puts pickle juice in the water supply - kind of like fluoride. The politics there are probably weird. Don't comment on it though. It's not politically correct over there. It's like a malnutrition issue or something. It's like the pickles are probably added to the water to prevent starvation or something. I know when you go to Auburn, you're thinking: "Ahhhh. Here I am in Auburn, Alabama. I'll bet the people here smell just like barbequed ribs and slaw." But just stop thinking that. That's just a myth. They smell just like pickles. In fact, please listen to my advice. Leave them alone about the pickle odor. And don't try masking the odor with something stronger. They'll curse at you. They'll say something like: "WTF, how dare you smoke a cigar in my home." or "WTF!! Are you too good for the smell of pickles?" and they'll cuss out your kids too: "WTF!!! Little Mister fancy pants over here acts like he doesn't want to smell like pickles." Rednecks are not like us. Don't you see that, yet? They are really sensitive about being sniffed and about their pickle aroma. They know they smell like pickles and it is no laughing matter to them at all. I know. I know. We sniff the bammers and the UGA dawgs and the Ole messes, and we keep a straight face with each of them, but don't press your luck with the Redneck tiger fans. Don't refer to "The Jungle" as Pickle Hare either. I mean that's just wrong. Even if you've been drinking, they'll beat you up and curse out your kids. Along these lines, be extra careful when you laugh in their direction - even if you're laughing about something else. Like baseball or football, or sex or whatever. If you can't control yourself and you must laugh though, do not snort. The snorting makes them think that you smell their pickle body odor from a distance or that you're choking on it or something. They'll likely burn your van for that. We lost a campus building over just one snort. So, just remember. You can love one another without sniffing each other. You can enjoy the clash of a couple of good football teams. You can enjoy the thrill of the rivalry. But after the game, please heed my words. Please just move along. No sniffing the opposing fans this Saturday. Okay? Get your pickle jollies at home.
hmmm...let's bring back a good memory (and post) from the past. pickles are just to nice...... :thumb: http://www.tigerforums.com/showthread.php?t=6808&highlight=urine
Tirk, I gotta tell ya...that sig is one of your best ever. The fun bags on that chick are killing me.
