1. Never schedule anything important on a day LSU is scheduled to play football. There are typically 353 other days of the year to do those things on. Choose one of them! 2. Never attend a wedding during an LSU football game unless you carry a TV... and watch it during the ceremony and reception. Also don't forget to register the wedding on fallweddingssuck.com! 3. It is against the rules to not wear purple and gold on ANY game day. More points go to those wearing football jerseys, hats, t-shirts, sweatshirts, pants, boxers, jewelry, and jackets, preferably all at the same time. Good old purple and gold always works especially if it's old school stuff from your LSU days. 4. Always and I mean ALWAYS, return any "GEAUX" with a hearty "TIGERS!" This is true even during funerals, sex, in foreign countries or when witnessing the birth of your child. 5. Every vehicle you see while driving that contains an Ole Miss or Alabama sticker should be honked at then flipped off. To be on the safe side, do this to every car with a Mississippi or Alabama license plate. 6. When Florida plays Auburn, it is mandatory to despise both teams. There are no winners. 7. You cannot have a second favorite football team behind LSU. You are only permitted to have another team that you hate the least. 8. It is OK to be emotional (and even "tear" up) during the following: First beer of the first tailgate of the season Your child's first LSU game When the band plays the Alma Mater, Hey Fighting Tiger, Hey Baby, or Touchdown for LSU! When you hear "THE GOLDEN BAND FROM TIGERLAND!!" Watching the sun rise after a night game in Tiger Stadium Anytime anyone mentions Brady Quinn and 23rd pick or USC and loss in the same sentence. LSU winning the National Championship 9. Always take off your hat during the Alma Mater and physically remove the hats of anyone in your vicinity who fails to do so. 10. Tailgating is mandatory. And by tailgating, you must be drinking beer before 6:00 AM . This includes both home and away games. 11. When you die, you must have at least one item of LSU memorabilia with you. (Specify which one in your will, that way your spouse won't pick something stupid). 12. Your children should be taught to let you know when they "have to take a War Eagle" to then flush it around the bowl and down the hole "Roll Tide Roll." 13. You are forbidden to fall for the National Media crap sandwich that Bear Bryant was a "good guy." In reality, he was a bitter old man, a cheater and referee-baiter. The program's credibility went south forever when Bama hired Nick Saban to resurrect their sorry football program. 14. Recruiting must be followed as intensely as any game. This is true even if it puts your job/career at risk. 15. Attend the Spring Game. It makes it easier to survive the summer. 16. Try to never boo a former or current LSU football player who is playing in the NFL. But as always you can boo any player who once played against LSU with all of your might. (ie, Rex Grossman) 17. Correct anyone who doesn't refer to LSU as "THE" only real university in Louisiana. 18. ESPN employees must be verbally taunted at every opportunity. Note: Lou Holtz still thinks Notre Dame was better than LSU in the 2007 Sugar Bowl. 19. Hang an LSU flag outside of your house every day. If any of your neighbors counter this with a Florida/Ole Miss flag, it is your solemn duty to tear it down and deface it anyway you see fit. 20. It is important to consider the "good old days" ARE NOW. Enjoy them!! And GEAUX........!
You'd better "Push push push" your butt to the stadium girl. How far away are you from it anyway? Oh, don't forget to throw Bama boy in the car fore you leave. :wink:
